Fun with Craigslist Personals

Sometimes when I need a laugh, I head on over to the Craigslist personals section. No, not the nasty “Casual Encounters” section (that place is just frightening), but the regular personals pages. Unlike regular online dating sites, where people tend to put their best dating foot forward, posters to Craigslist personals tend to reveal just what kind of bad shit was going down in their lives.

I suppose it’s sad, but since most of the funny men-seeking-women ads are from unemployed, ugly men who are looking for a woman so perfect that she only exists in the toy isle in a Barbie Doll box, it doesn’t feel wrong to make fun of them. Here’s an interesting one from today. In New England (the NORTH), some guy is complaining that there aren’t any hot women who like country music. Here’s his post, sans his reply-to address, with commentary:

convinced there are no hot women who like country music – 39
You are in New England, you idiot. We women may be hot, but we are not from Dixie, so you’ll just have to settle. I think the best you can hope for is a woman who won’t leave you after she finds you that you like country music.

are you out there?
No. I’m not out there.

Just like Tim McGraw…
Tim McGraw is out there. I’m glad you understand that.

Get it?
Not really. Would you mind explaining?

looking for real women who like country…
Nothing to see here, move along. And learn how to capitalize your sentences, please.

send pic. I aint no weirdo looking for pics.
Phew. At least he “aint no weirdo looking for pics.” He just wants a pic, singular. I’m sure I have one around here someplace.

Me? I am easy on the eyes…and you?
His picture was of a cheesy sunset. I guess that’s what he meant by being easy on the eyes.

There was another one from a business guy who wants to be a rock star and perform interesting acts, but it was really just gross.

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12 responses to “Fun with Craigslist Personals

  1. Convinced there are no hot women who like fat ugly balding middle-aged blokes, 48, writes:

    Hee hee, Sassy. When I get home, I’m going to have to waste an evening trawling through that site.
    I love the term “hot women”. Misogyny just cracks me up.

    Thanks in advance for an evening’s cackling pleasure.

  2. It’s worth it. It’s really, really funny. I’ve never read the women-for-men ones, but I’d imagine that there are some sad gals out there too.

  3. He really said “I aint no weirdo looking for pics”?!?!?

    1) You are weird…you’re looking for hot woman who likes country music in New England.

    2) You are looking for pics. How do I know? I read the sentence before.

    3) Who taught you how to write in English?

    He’s a real winner.

  4. Hahah, you are SO right-we live in New England, and New England “ain’t” the South. I heard a rumor that the oldies station 103.3 was going to turn Country soon. I hope that’s not the case. I just don’t get why the South wants to be in the North. We hate them.

  5. That’s just nasty–easy on the eyes–I’ll bet. Interesting twist–my family is southern, and they look at these people who can’t punctuate or captilalize and who listen to country, and they say things like, where do these people come from? They’re just imbedded, I guess, and in every corner of the nation.

  6. Aint no weirdo looking for pics…send pics…

    I knew I should have edited that before posting it!! ;)

    Steve~

  7. Holy crap, Sassy!

    I just looked at Craiglist “Women Seeking Men” in Western Massachusetts and the first thing to hit me was “use my large breasts as mountains for your matchbox cars – 29” …
    and “Woman seeks gently dominant well-hung openminded single man for LTR – 47”.

    You sure live in a scary neck of the woods, girl.

  8. Oh yeah, Carissa, this guy was a strange, strange bird.

    Steven, all posts to the personals should be edited. I hope that this constructive criticism was helpful for you.

    Robyn, I totally know what you mean. They just pop up in places. I think it goes along with my theory about country music stations (see below).

    Before Girl, The popularity of country music in this part of the world is deeply distressing to me. Have you ever noticed that country music stations come in, even in places where no other stations can be found? I think country music fans might secretly be aliens.

    Dive, Are you sure you weren’t looking in the “casual encounters” section? Like I said, I haven’t really read those posts, but those sound like they were in the wrong section. I apologize for sending you to a bad place.

  9. It was definitely the Long Term Relationship section, Sassy.
    Scary.

    As for country music … I once served two years playing country sessions in the late saventies (I dug my way to freedom before I was due parole).
    I’ll say one thing for it: it pays BIG!

  10. Wow, things are so different in America… and soooo scary!

    Does the expression “hot woman” denote a human female suffering from loin fever? And, when something is “well hung” we are generally referring to meat or game and the length of time it’s spent hanging in the butcher shop.

  11. I’m so sorry, Dive. Didn’t mean to give you nightmares. Honest.

    Conan, I don’t understand the ways of the Craigslist personals either. I think that lion fever might be an accurate description. As for well-hung, I try not to think about it. That expression makes my stomach turn.

  12. What’s wrong with Country?

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