Gray Days and Mondays Make Me Think of Aliens

Aliens, man

I give up. Countless cups of coffee have done absolutely nothing to wake me up. I’m so tired that I nearly fell asleep in the dentist’s chair this afternoon while having my cleaning. The noise kept me awake, but I was entertaining thoughts about how the creators of alien movies must have spent a lot of time at the dentist’s office. Looking up at the Preston & Clark lamp, with its two metal grips off the sides, and the wide Plexiglas light with a metal band right where the eyes would be, I saw a snaky-necked alien.

That’s an alien head, I thought as the hygienist probed my gums. Really, it is. Hey, that’s where they got the idea. Some sci-fi dude spent too much time in a dentist’s chair under the laughing gas. That’s why aliens are always portrayed as such nasty beasts—I mean, who really likes going to the dentist? Aha. I even went so far as to deduce that the reason why the creators of these movies made the probing happen in the other place was so that people wouldn’t figure out that they got the idea in the dentist’s chair.

Thank goodness for the supersonic de-scaler whirling in my mouth, because otherwise I would have shared my ingenious theory with the hygienist. She thinks I’m nice and sane. I did share the idea with my coworkers. They already know I’m crazy. I sounded just like Slater from Dazed and Confused. Aliens, man. They were invented at the dentist’s office. Just look at that lamp. Cool. Please, everyone, stop me if I start talking about Martha Washington and the dollar bill.*

Anyhow, I’m not awake. When will this workday end?

*If you have not seen Dazed and Confused, go and get it. Now. Guaranteed good time.

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8 responses to “Gray Days and Mondays Make Me Think of Aliens

  1. I have not seen Dazed and Confused. But I do dislike the dentist. My dentist office is amazine. It’s in a semi-circle so all the little rooms face a fenced in garden space with small trees and squirrels and bunnies and birds. It’s lovely. And when you lean back in the scary chair, you look up at a model train that goes back and forth on a ledge. The last time I was there, the caboose was carrying a big O for OSU. People are crazy here for the Buckeyes (and for the foreigners in the bunch, OSU is Ohio State University, the Buckeyes, and they have a monster football team that wins everything).

  2. THAT’S scarier than aliens. Model trains on the ceiling? Hee hee.

    I’ve heard tell that those Buckeyes have some kind of big game coming up.

    Dazed and Confused is everything that you wish high school was, for one summer evening. Funny stuff.

  3. My dentist has a rack he straps you to and dogs to chase you doon if you try to get away, bloody NHS.

  4. Seasonal Affected Disorder gets us all in the end!

  5. You mean I'[ve been using my de-scaler in the wrong end? It’s supposed to go inmy MOUTH??
    Yikes!

    I love my dentist. He looks like Garrisson Keillor – which is reassuring – but he has a bronze sculpture (right in your eyeline when you’re in the chair) of a crazed dentist standing on the lap of a screming patient and yanking at a huge paitr of pliers in the poor guy’s mouth.

    He’s also a fucking good dentist.

  6. Sorry for the typo hell. I’m supposed to be in a seminar at the moment but the train made me late so I thought I’d check some blogs out with a coffee and be very late.

  7. As I was rather, er, “Dazed and Confused” myself when I watched that movie, I only have vague recollections of it. One of these decades I’ll have to rent it.

  8. Knudsen, please don’t say that. Many of us would like something similar over here. The noise is torture enough. Don’t bring dogs into it.

    Dive, typo hell is forgiven. It happens to everyone. Garrison Keillor the dentist. Sounds great. I don’t usually have to see my dentist, as the hygienist usually just cleans my teeth and I get to go.

    Welcome, Mandy! I know. I’m sleeping all the time and having strange wintry thoughts even though it’s like summer here. I think my body knows it’s supposed to be winter, and the rest of me is confused.

    Fat Sparrow, please go rent it. It’s hysterical.

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