The Power of the Paper Prayer Rug

Something good is about to happen

Something good is about to happen!

My leg will be healed, because I received a paper prayer rug in the mail.


If I return it in a special envelope, my leg will get better, I’ll get $46,000, AND a new car.


Here’s how it works.

prayer rug

I take this paper prayer rug, on LOAN to me from St. Matthew’s Churches of Tulsa, Oklahoma, and stare at the purple picture of Jesus. His eyes appear to be closed, but as you stare intently into the picture, they open and start looking at you. It’s true! They do open. And it isn’t an optical illusion; it’s the power of the paper prayer rug.

After you see Jesus’ eyes, you go and kneel on the prayer rug, being careful to touch both knees to it. I’m afraid I can’t kneel right now, but I’m hoping that by sitting in a chair and holding the paper prayer rug up to my knees it will still work.

Then, I need to fold up the prayer rug and return it in a special envelope, along with a sheet of paper detailing my prayer requests and how much I’d like to donate. I will receive a free spiritual blessing in return.

This is the next morning

Remember! This is the next morning!

Oh dear. I broke the seal on my prophecy before I returned the prayer rug. Do you think my leg will still get better? Maybe I’ll only get $23,000 and a Yugo. Help me, paper prayer rug!

12 responses to “The Power of the Paper Prayer Rug

  1. How completely and throughly odd.

    Speaking of weird religious stuff, my girlfriend just bought a statue of St. Joseph that you’re supposed to bury in the back yard head-down if you want to sell your home.

  2. That is just bizarre. So…how much are you going to donate?

  3. Yikes!
    You broke the seal?

    Go to Hell.
    Go straight to Hell.
    Do not pass Go
    Do not inherit $46,000.

  4. oh………I have no exclamation for this one. Doesn’t this qualify as mail fraud?

  5. Wow this rug goes perfectly with my newly discovered relationship with God!

  6. Sassy Sundry

    Isn’t the whole churchy voodoo thing delightful, Steve?

    Terroni, I’ve thought about contributing a button and some string.

    Do I still get the Yugo, Dive? I can have a Yugo in hell, right?

    Robyn, I’m not sure. The entertainment value of it for me was immense.

    Conortje, it is a loaner only. You have to give the rug back, or you don’t get a miracle.

  7. LOL wow. that’s pretty special

  8. The religious equivalent of a chain letter. Funny…and slightly creepy.

    I’d bury it head first out back. Let Jesus send his healing powers to my lilacs.

  9. WTF? What happens if you don’t send it back? Do you receive twice the pain?

  10. Dear Prudence

    Gosh Sassy, my sides hurt from laughing knowing your thoughts of such things! You of all people would get that damn thing! I do hope your leg is getting better.

  11. You’d be a fool not to return it with a hefty donation.
    Though I knew a guy who returned it once and he got a new vehicle and 2 million, well he was knocked doon and killed by an armoured truck leaving a bank.

  12. Sassy Sundry

    It was hilarious, Carissa. I should have brought it in.

    Andraste, burying it upside down is a thought. Then my leg would be healed, and I’d have nice flowers.

    James, I guess I’ll find out. I’m so keeping it forever and always.

    Prudence, I’m surprised you didn’t hear me laughing.

    Knudsen, it’s always that way, isn’t it.

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