A Surprising Evening

“So, I’m dying to know,” I said, fiddling with the lemon twist atop my summer ale, “What on Earth made you call me?”

McArtsyPants and I had met up at a fun little bar and grill in Central Square and had slipped into the old silliness, making circle patterns with our beer glasses on the soapstone tables and giggling. He was clearly very happy to see me, and we’d been exchanging updates from the last year or so of our lives, when I posed my question.

“I’m not sure if it was anything on Earth,” he said, giving me a half-kidding look. McAP can be a little spiritual sometimes, but he’s also quite the kidder. I went with that.

“So what alien life form told you that you had to call me?”

At first, he appeared ready to come up with a humorous answer to that question, but then his face turned serious. “You came into my head one day, and I wanted to get in touch with you. I always really liked you, and, I don’t know, the timing was off for me. I wound up getting back together with my ex for a bit after I was with you. I realized that I’d been a jerk to you, because I didn’t know what I wanted. So I went and found the e-mail where you gave me your phone number and decided to get in touch with you.”

This surprised me. I’ve often wondered if my exes ever thought about me, particularly the ones who jerked me around a lot, unsure of what they wanted from me. Did they regret letting me go? Did they feel badly about how they’d behaved? Did they just think of me and smile? McAP, it seems, had.

From the look on his face, it was clear that he had a glimmer of hope that I’d take him back, and I didn’t want to encourage that. “You were a bit of a jerk to me,” I said. “But I got over it and moved on, and honestly, I’ve always thought of you fondly. I knew you meant well, really. It was just one of those things.”

Our food arrived, and we ate and chatted about other things, bands, how hot it was outside, various other topics. After dinner, we decided to take a walk along the Charles. He talked about his new car, where he was hoping to live, and I talked about my move and the view from the river. We laughed a lot, but there was no spark, at least from me.

We stopped about a half-mile down the path and looked at the Red Line train cross the bridge against the lights of the John Hancock and the Pru. I thought about how romantic the spot could be, if only I was there with someone else. It had occurred to me that perhaps I would see McAP and, despite my better judgment, want to be with him again, but I didn’t. It was over, and while I was happy to be with him in that moment and happy to hear that he still thought about me, I didn’t want to go back.

McAP walked me back to the train, and gave me his old look that said he wanted to kiss me, but I just said, “It was great to see you again, McAP. Thanks for getting in touch.” He hugged me and said he’d call again. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t.

Unlike CraigslistGuy, I didn’t cry when I got home from our date. I felt better. Meeting up with McAP gave me outside confirmation that I am worthy of good treatment. It’s given me something to think about.

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15 responses to “A Surprising Evening

  1. Sigh …
    You are so worthy of good treatment, Sassy. Enjoy your weekend.

  2. OH, Sassy, you are so worthy of good treatment regardless of outside confirmation. Hey look. Dive and I were thinking alike.

    You’re very smart. I am always so impressed with the way you sort out your emotions and follow your head.

  3. Funny how even in the “Age of Enlightenment” we women still don’t know our worth. Hang on to that thought. You are worth it.

  4. Bock the Robber

    None of us know our worth, and we’ve probably all behaved like jerks to someone, sometime.

    That’s a good story, Sassy. We should all be so lucky.

  5. Dear Prudence

    It is nice to have confirmation that you have left an impression on anothers soul. Sassy, you have always been impressive!

  6. Good on you Sassy! Sounds like you really came out on top of this whole situation. Proud of you.

  7. Meeting up with McAP gave me outside confirmation that I am worthy of good treatment.

    Do I need to say “Well, DUH!”?

    Of course you’re worthy of good treatment.

  8. You are SO worth it, we talking about Loreal products? Only joking…I’d not only serve you with a smile, but i’d hit on you too..

  9. The Hangar Queen

    Great story and great lesson for us all.
    Well done you.External confirmation of our worth is a great thing to get but it can’t hold a candle to self-realization of same.
    Good on ya!

  10. A beautiful, powerful realization. I had a similar one the other night. Perhaps I’ll blog about it as well…you know, so I don’t forget!

  11. Around My Kitchen Table

    I liked it that you felt “no spark” for this man who had treated you badly – real confirmation that you have moved on. Well done, girl!

  12. You just got the kind of closure with an ex than no one manages to get. A nice evening AND an apology.
    Savor the moment.

  13. I get this thing happening to me now sassy whenever I think of letting myself be with someone who doesn’t value me enough..
    I get this like taste of bitterness in my mouth like that nasty anti nail biting stuff you used to paint on nails to stop biting them.. I get the taste.. and I think.. ‘you don’t adore me so why am I putting myself in a situation with you?’

    It’s a new thing.. and it’s working so far..

  14. Good hell…you received something that I have ALWAYS wanted. I always wanted one of my exes to call me one day and tell me that they were sorry or that at least they still thought of me kindly. And I suppose, if I am very honest with myself, there are a few women who I should call to say the same thing to…

    Closure is an excellent thing. And you are a lovely writer.

  15. A self evident truth, Ms Sundry! So, suitably armed, how did the weekend go?

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