What Will They Think of Next?

Garlic Shampoo

When I spy bizarre products, I often think about what it takes to get them to store shelves. Not only did someone think, Hey, garlic is a wonderful thing. It wards off colds—I bet it would help stave off hair loss. Let’s make shampoo! but they also convinced an entire group of people that it would be a good idea to produce it. The mad inventor successfully pitched the product idea to a company, who then went out and sourced “unscented garlic extract” and formulated Garlic Shampoo.

The company then turned the product loose to a marketing team, and they figured out a way to get desperate people to buy it. Judging from the spam I get in my inbox, the only thing worse than a tiny penis is a bald head, so I guess the balding population might be an easy target. (Why is a mystery to me, as bald can indeed be beautiful, provided that comb-overs aren’t involved.)

Marketing teams are comprised of professionals, but in case they need some help, I’ve envisioned a few snappy campaign ideas for them:

Toupee a little too obvious? Garlic is the answer! Don’t worry—it’s unscented! They’ll never know!
Hair Club for Men? Don’t be a joiner! Try Garlic!
Don’t have money for laser treatment? Try our Garlic Shampoo! Cheap and effective!
Garlic Shampoo: Have a Full Head of Hair AND Ward Off Pesky Vampires!

Do you have any new product ideas? I’m sure we could convince this company to go with them. They did make Garlic Shampoo.

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12 responses to “What Will They Think of Next?

  1. What a pity it’s scentless; the last three letters of shampoo are just crying out for that garlicky aroma.

    I’m convinced that most people on the tube this morning had been using a body scrub made from yak sweat.

  2. As I’m severely allergic to garlic it would probably make my hair fall out.
    Ack.

  3. medbh, are you a werewolf?

    Hey, what about garlic and bread.
    We could call it “garlic bread”

    An anagram of marketing is;
    “I am a useless twat”

  4. For external use only. Ew. They could at least give it another name.

    Dive, the scent we assigned to those people we encountered on trains in Europe is “onion bagel.” #2 started it by saying, “I think an onion bagel just walked by.”

  5. Garlic is never unscented, no matter what the promise. My MIL eats a clove of garlic a day and swallows it without chewing. This supposedly does not make you have garlic breath.

    It is a big fat lie. She could kill a dog with one puff.

  6. Did you know that labor and delivery units used to sell placentas to cosmetic companies to make conditioner? Think about that next time you rinse and get a little on your mouth…yum.

  7. A cow pat revitalising facial mask?
    Sheep Pee skin toner?
    Maggot mush toothpaste?

  8. Not werewolf, Full.
    I must be a vampire because I wither in the sun and garlic gives me convulsions of nausea and explosive poo.

  9. That’s mad – next flavour will be Pig Poo. I kind of want to try some though – is that wrong?

  10. Go Sox (again)

  11. Dive, garlic poo is just nasty. So’s yak sweat. Ick.

    Medbh, I’m so sorry. Life without garlic (except in shampoo form) must be tough, especially for a foodie like you.

    Full, I love the anagram.

    Robyn, I don’t understand garlic shampoo or the onion bagel thing.

    Maria, my thoughts exactly. I had a college friend who ate an entire head of garlic to ward off a cold. Her body is somewhere behind our dorm.

    Terroni, I’m not usually thinking of anything when I’m combing in the conditioner. I’m too tired.

    Conan, I’ll help you with the marketing. We’ll make millions.

    Anonymous, fuck you and your spam.

    Conortje, it would be wrong if you wanted to try Pig Poo Shampoo.

    Manuel, I love you.

  12. Actually that would probably go over very well in a few places that I’ve lived. But then we’re all pretty serious tree hugging, recycling, garlic eating, green people over here.

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