Tag Archives: Ass

Hey, Grace! Adventures in Falling

Whenever he took a little tumble, this little boy I used to babysit for would yell out, “Hey, Grace!” and giggle before picking his little two-year-old body up off the ground. I’m not sure where he got the phrase, but I stole it. And in the past year, I’ve had cause to use it. It seems as though I’ve taken to falling down.

It started one rainy night at the end of September at Stony Brook station. I could hear the train coming as I tapped my card, and in my haste to get down the stairs, I didn’t notice how wet they were. I think I made it down two steps before my left leg, and then my right flew in the air and I came crashing down on the edge of a stair. Initially I didn’t even feel anything, but I saw the looks on the faces of those who saw me crash down. I also saw their shock when pulled myself up and walked down the rest of the stairs. Hey, Grace! In all honesty, I am really and truly grateful to still be walking, but I have to say that the permanent deep dent in my left cheek is an unwelcome addition to my ass. At least the gigantic bruise is gone. All that, and I missed the damn train.

In January, I took another tumble, this time down the steep, slippery steps leading down to the basement. I crashed on the other ass cheek, so hard I nearly fainted. My laundry went flying. Hey, Grace! I felt so woozy afterward that I actually called my friends, asking them to call me a few times to make sure I hadn’t somehow jarred my head when I banged my ass. My friends were only all too happy to oblige—and laugh at me. Thankfully the permanent results from that fall were not nearly as unsightly as my first trip down the stairs.

And then, yesterday, in broad daylight, on a smooth surface, with sensible shoes on my feet, I was walking one moment and splattered on the sidewalk the next. Hey, Grace! I scraped my hand, bruised my knee, and tweaked my shoulder, but otherwise, it’s just my pride that’s injured this time. There were lots of people around.

I don’t get it. I’m normally not such a klutz. If this continues, though, I’m going to need Lifecall. “Hey, Grace! I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!”

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