Tag Archives: Craigslist

Craigslist Date: A Recipe

Mix:

1 Part Feeling Pissed Off at Certain Someone
1 Part Moxie (the nerves kind—not the drink)
1 Part Killer Band
1 Part Willing Guy
1 Part Hearing from Certain Someone Right before Date
Several Parts Alcohol
1 Part Getting Backstage after Show
1 Part Cab Ride
1 Part Honest Discussion of Why Date Is Taking Place
1 Part Fooling Around (not THAT)
1 Part Amusing Discussion this Morning
1 Part Getting Home
1 Part Hearing from Guy to Make Sure I Got Home (he really is very sweet)
1 Part Realizing that I Am in Love with Certain Someone and Not Wanting It to End
10 Parts Feeling Incredibly Guilty and Like I Made a Huge Mistake
1 Part Not Feeling Guilty
1 Part Crying Jag
1 Part Giggle


Shake and Serve. Might cause confusion.

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How Not to Respond to a Personals Ad

There’s a first time for everything. Yesterday I posted a personals ad on Craigslist. It wasn’t a big deal—I just said that I had an extra ticket to see The National for tonight and that if a guy was interested in seeing a show with a smart, cute, and funny woman to e-mail me through the site. I didn’t post a picture, and I made no mention of hanky panky.

Turns out that the first guy to answer the ad was the winner. His response was direct, just flirty enough, and expressed an interest in the band. He seems sane (we spoke on the phone) and decent, and he has a sense of humor and adventure. Oh, and he’s cute, which, let’s face it, if you’re going to date your way through a messy situation, is essential. I can’t really see wanting to date him on a regular basis, but he’ll do nicely for tonight.

A few of the responses I received were just sick and wrong. One guy complimented my tits—I really don’t like the idea of psychics using Craigslist. Another guy said that he didn’t like the band but thought that we’d be a perfect match. And then, there was this guy:

I’m a con-man. I seduce rich women out of their fortunes. I love my work, and the hours are good, so my friends would describe me as laid-back.

Are you the smart, beautiful woman with great taste that I will partner up with? We both have to think quick and cover our sociopathic tendencies?

Be sharp in every way — I’m picky. And I deal in face-to-face scams so you must include a picture.

He posted a picture. Here’s the thing, straight men. This kind of crap doesn’t work on any woman with half a brain cell in her head, but if you are going to try it, do be devastatingly handsome.

More Fun with Craigslist

This time around, my roommate search on Craigslist seems to be going better. I have two people coming to see the apartment this week, and both of them seem like they would make good roommates. I have received a couple of crazy responses, like the one from a fifty-seven-year old woman currently residing in a hostel. She’d like to have “friends” over. Overall, however, things are looking better, and so I’ve had to seek out Craigslist entertainment from other sources.

Instead of perusing the personals, this time I’ve checked out the employment ads. The following are from the “writing/editing” section.

Private Eyes—They’re Watching You
Established private investigative agency seeking full time or part time Admin Assistant to proof and edit reports, provide support to field investigators etc. Position can have flex hours, and opportunity for advancement in investigations and related job descriptions. Fun and interesting enviroment.

Can you just imagine the reports that I would proofread for this outfit? Skullduggery galore. I’d get to edit reports drawn up for husbands, convinced that the lady of the house is no lady. Or, those created for desperate wives, seeking proof that their husbands are off banging the secretary. I wonder if they’d let me edit the photo captions? “Subject, in throes of passion with secretary. Note the hickey on her left breast.”

Perhaps I’d even get to edit reports on corporate malfeasance. I wonder if they work for the Mob (the Post Office, perhaps)? A fun and interesting “enviroment” indeed.

I’m a Blogger—I Know Hip
HerFabLife is the Internet’s newest lifestyle community for young urban women who are interested in the latest fashion styles, newest restaurants, nightlife, stores, and events in and around where they live. These young urban women want to be in the know of the hippest styles to wear, trendiest restaurants, bars, events to go to with their friends.

We’re looking for a few freelance writers who can contribute on a weekly basis to the editorial success of HerFabLife. The target audience is young urban women between 18-25 year old who resides in a major metropolitan area. The topic of interest that you’re writing must be relevant to this target audience. This position is ideal for part-time/freelance writers, bloggers, stay at home moms, students, working professionals who want to earn extra pocket money. Please browse around the site before applying so that you get a sense of who we’re trying to target.

I checked out the site, and I think I’m going to apply for the job. I know when the next Harry Potter movie is coming out. I know when H&M has sales. Justin Timberlake may have already graced us with our presence, but I think I can come up with a few other pop stars to titillate this young, fab woman. I might not be a stay-at-home mom, but I am a blogger. Trendy is my middle name. I wonder if they’d be interested in private investigative pieces.

Fun with Craigslist Personals

Sometimes when I need a laugh, I head on over to the Craigslist personals section. No, not the nasty “Casual Encounters” section (that place is just frightening), but the regular personals pages. Unlike regular online dating sites, where people tend to put their best dating foot forward, posters to Craigslist personals tend to reveal just what kind of bad shit was going down in their lives.

I suppose it’s sad, but since most of the funny men-seeking-women ads are from unemployed, ugly men who are looking for a woman so perfect that she only exists in the toy isle in a Barbie Doll box, it doesn’t feel wrong to make fun of them. Here’s an interesting one from today. In New England (the NORTH), some guy is complaining that there aren’t any hot women who like country music. Here’s his post, sans his reply-to address, with commentary:

convinced there are no hot women who like country music – 39
You are in New England, you idiot. We women may be hot, but we are not from Dixie, so you’ll just have to settle. I think the best you can hope for is a woman who won’t leave you after she finds you that you like country music.

are you out there?
No. I’m not out there.

Just like Tim McGraw…
Tim McGraw is out there. I’m glad you understand that.

Get it?
Not really. Would you mind explaining?

looking for real women who like country…
Nothing to see here, move along. And learn how to capitalize your sentences, please.

send pic. I aint no weirdo looking for pics.
Phew. At least he “aint no weirdo looking for pics.” He just wants a pic, singular. I’m sure I have one around here someplace.

Me? I am easy on the eyes…and you?
His picture was of a cheesy sunset. I guess that’s what he meant by being easy on the eyes.

There was another one from a business guy who wants to be a rock star and perform interesting acts, but it was really just gross.